Journal Entry #5

An example of a time where I have tried to effect change in a issue internally would be a few years ago when I felt there was this personal chasm I had going for a while. At some point I thought I was just insane. Other times I thought it was an influence of other individuals around me. ( that was the problem sometimes). I began to read the Quabalah and it seemed to add whole alternative spectrum to my life which I felt was revolutionary. This helped me pick up elements like simply sitting alone and practice visualizations or breathing exercises, which led to meditations. Over a period of time, I felt like pieces of a spiritual puzzle were being put together or a gaping hole was being filled. Time passed and alot of people came and left my life, and that sense of self knowledge seemed to fade, as if that spot that was finally filled grew bigger and needed more substance to sustain its volume. So the search for more enlightenment began. A good thing about my new way of thinking was that it lead me to read alot more and I was able to hold conversations with a variety of people with different religious, philisophical, or spiritual backgrounds. So far, the most important thing I've stumbled upon that has really influenced change in relationship to myself was Kundalini Meditations. This is a form of meditations where one activates or awakens the energy (kundalini/shaktipat) that lies at the base of the spine and is awaken through practice of this concept or daily activity. This is something that is significant to who I am today.